Movie mini review: Alien vs Predator – Requiem

I just watched Aliens vs Predator – Requiem. I knew that it would be bad. I even knew that it would be really bad, but in spite of my better judgment, I decided to watch it anyway.

And man, it sucked.

The script was lousy and the acting horrendous. The Strause Brothers who directed this has previously worked almost exclusively with special effects, and watching this movie it comes as no surprise. Because they sure can’t direct people.

The story in short:

WARNING – SPOILERS AHEAD

After the first AVP movie, one Predator gets infected by an Alien. The result is for some strange reason that is never explained an Alien-Predator hybrid. For some other reason that is never explained, the ship carrying this hybrid is returning to earth, along with a bunch of Alien facehuggers. One single Predator tries to stop them all, but also kills some humans in the process for some reason. A town where you get to see four minutes each of a bunch of two-dimensional characters is attacked by a swarm of Aliens (who has now proliferated) and the hybrid. Instead of actually stockpiling the food (humans) for eating and such, they just seem to kill everybody at random for some reason. People die, including most of the ones you have been introduced to. The government finds out, tells the people to gather in the center of town and drops a nuke. Everybody dies, except for four people in a chopper who for some reason decided to fight their way up through an Alien-infested hospital to get to the chopper on the roof instead of simply driving out of town with the perfectly good armored car/tank they just had. The end.

In short: Alien vs Predator – Requiem is a movie that really, really, really sucks. Hard. And not in a good way.

If you have any good memories that you don’t want to ruin from previous Alien (or Predator) movies, avoid this at all cost.

Aliensnail vs Predatorsnail - Requiem

Movie mini review: Kung Fu Panda

Kung Fu Panda is an animated movie from Dreamworks, starring major voice actors as Jack Black, Dustin Hoffman, Angelina Jolie, Jackie Chan and Lucy Liu.

The main story revolves around Po, a clumsy panda who dreams of being a kung fu master while having to work in his fathers noodle shop. After some curious circumstances, he is given the opportunity to learn kung fu by a grumpy kung fu master. Without spoiling to much of the story, a big threat is later revealed and unexpected things happen.

I didn’t have the highest expectations, and was maily expecting a slapstick parade. I was pleasantly surprise how good the movie was. Granted, there was a fair deal of slapstick in the movie, but (almost) never too much. There was also a more serious side about not fitting in, not wanting to be yourself.

As a fan of eastern cinema, I have watched a fair deal of kung fu movies (as well as practiced kung fu myself). It was a delight to see so many clichĂ©s and homages as they could fit into the movie, most executed with a twist. The voice acting is most of the time very good (though I didn’t think Angelina Jolie really fit the role as Tigress).

On a whole, Kung Fu Panda is a warm, engaging and very enjoyable movie. Recommended.

Trailer: Kung Fu Panda

p.s. Martial art turtles rock. d.s.

Movie mini review: Bye Bye Monkey

Today I saw a movie from 1978, starring a young GĂ©rard Depardieu. It is French produced, but takes place in a semi-futuristic New York and everyone speaks English.

The story centers around GĂ©rard’s character (also named Gerard), finding and taking care of the child of the now dead King Kong. This, along with the fact that it was labeled as Comedy / Drama / Sci-Fi, was enough for me to want to see the movie.

I was deeply dissapointed. There is no real red line in the movie to follow, nothing to look forward to and the whole thing is utterly unengaging. The script is meager and staggly, the dialoge is strange and stiff, most of the acting is plain bad and the DVD transfer is low quality (especially the sound where the S sound are often distorted).

During most of the 113 minutes I just waited for it to be over. Avoid if you can (shouldn’t be too hard).

Movie mini review: Hell Ride

A few days ago I had the pleasure of watching Hell Ride, the Quentin Tarantino-produced, Larry Bishop-written-and-directed biker movie.
It’s a good mix of sex, drugs and violence – the kind of movie you’ll enjoy watching with a few friends and a few beers.

Larry Bishops character Pistolero is leading the motorcycle gang Victors, where Michael Madsen and Eric Balfour also has their allegiance. The rival gang, Six-six-six (led by the character played by Vinnie Jones) is basically out to eliminate the competition, and hard feelings arise. Throw in a 32-year old murder, a safety deposit box with three keys, David Carradine and Dennis Hopper, and you get yourself a Hell Ride.

It’s not a great movie. But it’s a darn good and entertaining one.

Trailer: Hell Ride